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The Closer You Get

*1/2

Rated on a 4-star scale
Screening venue: Odeon (Liverpool City Centre)
Released in the UK by Fox on September 8, 2000; certificate 12; 93 minutes; country of origin UK; aspect ratio 1.85:1

Directed by Aileen Ritchie; produced by Uberto Pasolini.
Written by William Ivory; from a story by Herbie Wave.
Photographed by Robert Alazraki; edited by Sue Wyatt.

CAST.....
Ian Hart.....Kieran
Ewan Stewart..... Pat
Niamh Cusack..... Kate
Sean McGinley..... Ian
Ruth McCabe..... Mary
Sean McDonagh..... Sean
Cathleen Bradley..... Siobhan
Pat Shortt..... Ollie
Risteard Cooper..... Father Hubbert Malone


A friend of mine swears blind that a guy once tried to make a move on her by reading straight from a book of chat-up lines. The bloke was a teenager at the time, but I still find the story hard to believe. There are thirtysomething characters in "The Closer You Get" who would probably think it's a good romantic tactic.

The movie takes place in a village in Donegal -- one of those strange Irish towns that British filmmakers create for American audiences, holding a population of less than a hundred who have over-familiar meetings in the pub, including a few isolated residents who have to travel from their cottages by boat to get to the shops. And, sure, everything's made of stone, or grass, oh aye, bejeezus.

The protagonists are a group of three or four adult men getting tired of their bachelor status. As there seem to be no interesting eligible women in the vicinity, they place an ad in an international newspaper begging American women to come join them. What a charming choice of words they use: "American females wanted for companionship in the outdoor life. Indoor facilities also available." That would be funny if they meant it as a joke.

Of course the plot follows them as they realise the foreign visitors aren't going to arrive, and they learn something about themselves, and also realise that true love is waiting on their doorstep. Bless. The problem with "The Closer You Get" is that we're not supposed to laugh at the stupidity of these characters, who sincerely believe that American women will turn up. Aileen Ritchie directs her piece in a low-key manner that suggests she wants to evoke sympathetic character-based humour, like that of "The Full Monty", the great previous film by producer Uberto Pasolini in which the characters were smart and had more serious problems, like unemployment and mid-life desperation.

How can we have genuine care for the guys in "The Closer You Get" when they're such morons? Their embarrassing stabs in the dark would have made me cringe when I was 13. One of them actually says to a good friend a line to the effect of "Do you fancy a roll in the hay?", and is surprised when it doesn't work.

There are some amusing and realistic scenes of village banter. When, for example, one fella gets a hideously unsuitable peroxide job done on his hair (another sad attempt at attracting the opposite sex), he boasts "The barber wants to take pictures!", encouraging an elder man to ask "Would that be for the insurance company?" It's also hard to hate the movie because it's so good-natured and gentle, and features a great musical guilty pleasure, "I Would Walk 500 Miles" by the Proclaimers. That's about it.

COPYRIGHT© 2000 Ian Waldron-Mantgani


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