FORCES OF NATURE/ *

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Forces of Nature

*

Rated on a 4-star scale
USA
Directed by Bronwen Hughes
Written by Marc Lawrence

CAST.....
Ben Affleck..... Ben
Sandra Bullock..... Sarah
Maura Tierney..... Bridget
Steve Zahn..... Alan
Blythe Danner..... Virginia Cahill
Ronny Cox..... Haldley Cahill
David Strickland..... Steve
Meredith Scott Lynn..... Debbie

I've met thousands of people in my life. I've been to several weddings. Never once have I been told of, or seen for myself, an occurrence of the best man forgetting to bring the rings. Of course, this happens in pretty much all movie weddings, so we can hardly fault "Forces of Nature" for being no exception.

We may, however, be forgiven for wondering if it was a wise thing for the set-up to hinge on. We are also entitled to stare in disbelief at the rest of this catastrophe, which hasn't an ounce of charm, passion or even direction. Two of the producers were behind the nostalgic black comedy "Grosse Pointe Blank", another worked on the thought-provoking WWII drama "Saving Private Ryan"... the awful team mismatch doesn't surprise me.

Judging by the posters, "Forces of Nature" is supposed to be a romantic comedy, although the film itself begins with a weird special-effects sequence and doesn't follow it with any laughs or love. Ben Affleck stars as Ben, a New Yorker about to be married to Bridget (Maura Tierney) in Savannah, Georgia. When the aforementioned best man (David Strickland) is delayed by the aforementioned problem, Ben finds himself travelling alone, until he meets up with the good-looking Sarah (Sandra Bullock).

Ben and Sarah's road-movie journey plays like a demented version of "Planes, Trains and Automobiles". A bird gets ripped apart by the propeller of the plane they're on, somehow causing it to crash. They hitch a lift with a stoned driver, who almost causes a car wreck before getting everyone arrested when the police find his drugs. Our twosome are dumb enough to get lost on a train, before conning their way onto a bus full of old folks and then ending up stripping in a roadside gay bar to earn money for a used car. Along the way, in an ill-conceived running joke, Ben runs into an unrealistic number of people who tell him horror stories about disastrous former marriages.

I don't see how this would bother Ben. Although he is getting married, he has no personality, only a situation. His travelling companion, who thinks adventure books about mummified corpses are quality literature, is even stupider, offering 'wise' advice about married life that's so elementary even a virgin would've heard it all before.

The romance that springs up between Ben and Sarah (I hadn't mentioned it, but did I have to?) makes no sense. Their relationship doesn't develop, they just suddenly kiss, and for no other reason than he's a man, she's a woman, and this is shallow Hollywood tripe. If you thought the Grant/Hepburn coupling at the end of "Bringing Up Baby" was hard to believe, just wait till you see this one.

At least Affleck tries to inject some life into his character, however futile a pursuit that may be. Bullock -- who hasn't done anything decent in years -- looks like a strung-out heroin addict and rambles all her nonsensical dialogue too fast, while making every word sound annoying and false. She changes her appearance and mood in every scene, as if to show she can perform badly as anyone. Maura Tierney, as the fiancé, has a much more charming presence -- smart, sexy and smooth -- even here the woman's a delight to watch.

"Forces of Nature" disappoints us right to the last, with an ending that lacks the courage of the film's convictions. Before going to see it, I had been watching my videotape of "It Happened One Night", Frank Capra's 1934 picture that knew exactly how to portray two travellers falling in love. It had class, wit, sensuality, truth, drama and sweetness... alien concepts to "Forces of Nature". And while we're mentioning aliens -- couldn't we land this movie on another planet?

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