Never Been Kissed
**
Cinema
Releases - August 27, 1999
Rated on a 4-star
scale. USA. Directed by Raja Gosnell. Written by Abby Kohn, Marc
Silverstone. Starring Drew
Barrymore, David Arquette, Michael Vartan, Molly Shannon, Leelee Sobieski,
John C. Reilly, Garry Marshall, Sean Whalen.
I often get concerned about the sex lives of Hollywood
screenwriters. So many characters in recent movies -- Bobby in "The Waterboy"
and Jacob in "A Simple Plan", to take two recent examples -- have been adult
virgins. And pretty much every television sitcom has one. Take a break from
your typewriters, guys and gals, and go get laid -- this trait just isn't
normal!
The latest in this long, sad line of films is
"Never Been Kissed", a high-school comedy with Drew Barrymore.
Yes, Drew Barrymore. The usually gorgeous actress plays Josie Geller, a 25-year
old copy editor for the Chicago Sun-Times who desperately wants to be a reporter.
And desperately wants to feel the power of a real kiss.
Josie's publisher decides she looks young enough
to pass for 17. (Perhaps he'd seen her gynaecologist's report.) He sends
her on undercover assignment to pose as a high-school student and learn about
the hopes and dreams of the genuine pupils. She's thrilled at first, since
she can finally write something, but her enthusiasm soon wanes as
she turns out to be clueless and unpopular in school.
It's a reminder of her real high-school days,
when she was nicknamed 'Josie Grossie' and made the victim of cruel pranks.
Fortunately, this time her brother steps in to give a helping hand, currying
favour with the kids by way of immature food-fight antics before spreading
good word-of-mouth about his sis. Josie then has fun pretending to be a teenager,
getting great material for her story and falling in love with a dreamy English
teacher. Aaah.
"Never Been Kissed" is an ugly waste of space.
The premise -- undercover reporter in high-school becomes amazingly popular
-- was done to death in the 1980s, and we even get the cliché of the
angry editor popping up between chapters to scream "This story's no good,
Geller!" More concerning, there is a disastrous lack of feel-good sweetness.
The way things should play out: Josie was geeky in high-school, but now she's
sorted herself out, and gets to have the happy school life she always wanted.
The way they actually play out: Josie was a pathetic screw-up then, and she's
just as bad now.
Josie is a sickeningly dowdy idiot who embarrassingly
botches every situation. She's also a lousy reporter, with crappy angles
on stories, and a belief that asking such questions as "So what are your
hopes and your dreams?" won't blow her cover. When she finally does get her
kiss, we're supposed to feel happy, but why? The girl is irritating, and
we know hardly anything about the man she's fallen for. I had more sympathy
for the mean bullies than this alleged heroine.
I don't know what the filmmakers thought they'd
made bright and breezy about this picture, except for the soundtrack. Aside
from a shambles of a main character, each location in the film is in dank
disarray. There are some snappy one-liners, and a good supporting performance
from Leelee Sobieski, but they didn't quite eradicate the bitter taste in
my mouth.
It's hard to suppress the beauty and charm of
Drew Barrymore, but in allowing her to play an air-headed defective, "Never
Been Kissed" manages to do this. Look to films as recent as "The Wedding
Singer" or as far back as "E.T." to witness her usual winning aura, and
understand my bewilderment at this misfire. Next thing you know, they'll
cast Julia Roberts as Linda Tripp.
COPYRIGHT© 1999 Ian
Waldron-Mantgani
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